david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
