sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
