I skipped work to stalk him.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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