hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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