Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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