Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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