i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
