ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
