Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
