your thong is hanging out like whoa
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
