the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
