i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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