he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
