Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
