dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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