Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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