I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
