Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
