While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
