i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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