smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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