I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
