i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
