yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
