Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
