There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
