lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You are the jesus of drinking
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
