you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
