neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
