I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
