successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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