it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
