I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
