Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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