i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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