Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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