too bad you live with your parents still
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i drank out of a bidet.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
