he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
