she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
