Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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