I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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