If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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