If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
