Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
