this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
