haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
