im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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