I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
