i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
