I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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