I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
