Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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