I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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