Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
