I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
