When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
