my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
