This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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