I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You ruined the universe
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
