Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
