I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
